RE: Is being delusional the solution?

How pretending we have our dream life can actually give us our dream life

To be a writer, you have to write. To be a painter, paint; a runner, run; and a singer, sing. Often goals feel so far away because we have so much work to do until we get to that point, forgetting that the embodiment of our actions, of doing the thing we think is far away, makes us that thing by default. We forget for some goals and aspirations we can earn the title simply by doing.

Every morning I think of what my goals are, and one of them always reads: "I am a content creator." But, I create content, so am I already this? I’ve started to realise I don’t think I’m doing what I’m doing until something outside of myself has told me I am that thing. I am not allowed to claim the title of who I want to be; somewhere and for some reason, I think this has to be earned. This need for someone to give me the honour of what I want so badly has started to feel sillier and sillier the more I have questioned what I really want. What is it about someone else telling me I am something that makes me believe it? Why don’t I believe my own voice as much as everyone else’s?

I’d like to pretend I don’t know, but the truth is I don’t think I trust myself very much. I don’t back myself, but the more I push myself to do, the more I realise if you don’t back yourself, who will? If you don’t go all in, if you don’t think fully and completely that you can do the thing you want to do, how will everyone else around you believe it too?

When I left my corporate job, I felt nervous about the unknown. I felt unsure that I would find anything, and the reality of quitting without anything to go to started to slowly sink in. Then I got a job working in a cafe and I felt nervous all over again. I felt nervous about starting over, and I convinced myself I couldn’t do it. But, as with everything new, it soon became a new normal. I got used to my new role and slowly the self-doubt crept away. I felt the same about starting writing. It felt weirdly more intimate, and more considered than any other type of work I had completed before. Despite sharing my thoughts online for over four years, the thought of sharing them in this new way was terrifying. I felt like a fraud, and when I clicked publish for that first time, I felt so embarrassed. But the more I posted, the more I became confident at writing, the more the embarrassment left the page.

But with all of these new experiences there are commonalities. I was deeply unhappy, but I wasn’t able to pursue what made me happy until I jumped, until I took a leap of faith and said, "this is bad, but it can’t be worse than my current reality." In facing everything I didn’t want to face, in changing my situation, I altered the words that formed the definition of who I was. I changed. I created space and added new adjectives to describe who I could be.

When I learned how to ride a bike without stabilisers, my dad was running behind me, his hand on my seat, promising me he wouldn’t let go. I would have a few goes at pretending to ride a bike without stabilisers before I actually did. As I pedalled further and further, I suddenly realised both of his hands were by his side. I was riding alone. My dad knew I could ride without stabilisers, but also knew I needed to know I wouldn’t fall if I rode without them. In pretending to ride a bike properly, I had shown myself that I could ride a bike properly. I think we all have different stabilisers in our lives, different things we hold onto because they give us a sense of control, a seatbelt against the idea of failure. When we ride with them, we know things will be okay. But at some point, we have to take a leap of faith. We have to start doing the things we want to become; we have to embody the life we want to live. I wanted to become happy, so I faced that I wasn’t and made the changes I was so scared to complete. I wanted to become a writer, so I started posting little blogs on Substack. I wanted to become a podcaster, and so I started recording little podcasts on my bedroom floor. But my biggest want at the moment is to be taken seriously as a creator. But perhaps the biggest block here is not the views on my reels, or the number of followers I have, but it’s the hoops I make myself jump through before I see myself as what I want to be.

The more new things I try, the more and more the world confirms that we become what we want to become by being delusional enough to think that we already are. We take actions the person in our dream situation would take, and all of a sudden those actions from a dream life are the actions of our everyday life. We exchange a dream for a reality and show ourselves the biggest hurdle in us achieving what we wanted to achieve was us simply thinking we could.

I’ve wondered why we do have to be slightly delusional to do the things we really want to do; is it just manifestation or is it something more? I think it’s a combination of them both: we start to believe the dream is a reality, but in doing so, we take more actions that get us closer to the dream. A positive circle that gets better and better as our dream gets closer; we take more and more actions that affirm the dream as a reality.

It can be scary to want for something more, and it can be even scarier to be at the start of the path looking at how far there is to go. But at some point, no amount of planning and talking will make your dream take shape. At some point, you have to take the step that takes it from a story to a reality. At some point, no matter what your dream is, you have to start doing it. You have to pull it into your reality, and make it familiar. You have to trick your mind into thinking it is riding with stabilisers, because at some point, you will look around at the life you have created and will realise this is what you were riding towards.

Be a little delusional with what you want; start thinking and acting like it’s what you have, and soon the reality you dream of becomes the reality you face each day. If you want to be, you have to do, so please take a leap over the hurdle that is our ego and give life a good go. Take a chance on yourself; you never know what you could win.